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Time On Your Side

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Time passes. Most of the time we're not truly aware of the passage of time. Human events do, however, seem to help us realise that time is passing and that time is all we have. Watching the growth and the achievements of a child and the joyful disbelief at where time has gone; experiencing the passing of a loved one and the awareness of the listless inability to fill the void.

Today marks one year since we lost Mum. The sense of dignity with which she lived her final years will always stay with me. There's one thing to be said for living with a condition that's progressively worsening, you know where you're headed. Mum and I never spoke of this, a look was all it took, we both just knew it. Part of managing the condition was making sure that we spent as much time together as possible, because it was clear that there would come a day when that would be no longer possible.

As a child, growing-up, you want to show your Mum what you've done or prove what you can now do. Being an adult isn't something that changes this need. There was much I did during Mum's life that I was able to report back, to let her know that her little boy's doing alright. The fact that she didn't truly understand about 99.5% of what I told her never really mattered. However, the day has come when I'm no longer able to tell her anything; I don't yet have the words to describe how bad this feels. What I have is the comfort of the time we spent, both knowing that, for the present, we had time on our side and that we were making the very best of it.

To absolutely everybody who helped me spend that time with Mum I remain forever indebted.

Thank you. Steve x

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