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Motor Show

[26th Feb 2024 19:34] - Idea: A VW concept car for drivers highly susceptible to road rage. The Volkswagen V-Cross.

Rebournbury Mill 🖼

[29th Jan 2024 08:30]

Rude Boys

[28th Jan 2024 22:58] - - Them: "Steve, man. How is it you are like so stupid."
- Me: "How is this true? I have a Batchelor's degree, isn't it."
- Them: " … "
- Me: [under my breath] "Chicken and Mushroom."

Before The Hearing Aids

[27th Jan 2024 11:34] - - Steve: *brings-in her balti*
- Sharon: "WTF?! You absolute Muppet! Herbal tea, Steven. I said herbal tea."

Hospital Radio DJ

[21st Jan 2024 13:29] - "The Spice Girls there, with Spice Up Your Life; that one going to everyone in ICU, hold tight."

Overcome By A Two-For-One

[18th Jan 2024 06:42] - I made a new year's resolution to read more and committed to go to Waterstones once a month to buy a book. Yesterday I discovered that they have fantastic deals on books about romantic poetry. Byron get one free.

Six Million Dollars

[16th Jan 2024 08:30] - - Conductor: "OK! Now we're going to be playing a brand new arrangement of the theme tune for The Six Million Dollar Man."
- Lead Violinist: "Which key will we be playing it in?"
- Conductor: "Lee Major."

Streetsounds Radio 🔗 🖼

[12th Jan 2024 12:58] - Funk for people of a certain age.

Christmas Present

[10th Jan 2024 10:01] - - He: "I got this wicked Marvel Comics cooking set for Christmas!"
- She: "X-Men sieve?"
- He: "I reckon so but, like I say, it was a present so I have no idea what it retails for."

Dear Gillette

[4th Jan 2024 09:35] - I bought a pack of your Blue 2 razors, none of which pair with my iPhone. How do I set about getting a refund?

Dear Tesco

[19th Dec 2023 12:00] - Please correct the grammar of your self-service checkouts. A barcode on an item I just bought wouldn't initially scan and I was informed that "Assist Ants is on its way." It's Assist Ants are on their way. 🐜

The Allotment Murder 📖

[17th Dec 2023 20:35] - - Pathologist: "Ah Jack, this your case is it? Well I'll give it to you straight-up. This one's the weirdest I've ever seen - a keen vegan horticulturalist - core temperature suggests time of death to be around 1am."
- Detective Ins … Read more

DPD - The 'Delivery Experts' 📖 🖼

[11th Dec 2023 11:19] - This may, at first glance look like a rant about DPD but it's not. It's an attempt at sharing some advice about how to speak to a person at DPD when your delivery's gone wrong. If you've stumbled-across this web page I hope it helps to sav … Read more

Today, I Am That Person. 🔗 🖼

[8th Dec 2023 08:36] - I have been sooo inspired by the motivational mantras and affirmations on Instagram that, this morning, I was moved to create one of my own. #foldTheROLL

Meat Packing Factory 📖

[6th Dec 2023 08:31] - - Worker: "So what made you take the job?"
- Intern: "My love of the music business, really."
- Worker: "Seriously? What makes you think packing burgers has anything to do with making or selling records?"
- Intern: "Th … Read more

Thought For The Day 📖

[28th Nov 2023 12:08] - Yoko Ono is, perhaps, the smartest, shrewdest and most ingenious woman you're ever likely to meet.

Think about it. Her husband wrote and recorded her a love song. By giving it to others, she enabled The Beatles (2 of whom are dead) to properly  … Read more

Meanwhile, In The Range Rover

[23rd Nov 2023 09:05] - - Kate: "Well that wasn't such a bad drive after all. Now, here we are at Buckingha… JESUS!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"

- Will: "Chill, princess. Pa King sensors, innit."


[14th Nov 2023 15:09] - Architects who spent much of their student years partying at raves during the '90s are thought to be solely responsible for the growth of passivhaus.

Painters' Retreat 🖼

[14th Nov 2023 07:28] - - "I've just come back from a fabulous painting holiday in southern Spain - we got to see Picasso's place of birth!"

- "Andalusia?"

- "No mate, you're thinking of van Gogh."

Put Down 📖 🔗

[13th Nov 2023 11:46] - You know when somebody's talking at you and is attempting to make it look as if they know all the facts but, because you know many more than they appear to do, you need to save the day, by letting them know exactly where they stand? You do? Excellent! … Read more

English Heritage

[11th Nov 2023 09:10] - You may not be aware of it, but the car park at Stonehenge is a pagan display.

Dear BBC

[9th Nov 2023 14:18] - When the café in Eastenders next gets burned-down, perhaps it would benefit from a rebrand - may I please suggest calling it Beale Tea? ?

Groove Armada vs Shakey 🖼

[6th Nov 2023 18:02] - Icy Ewe baby, Shakin' that Steven, Shakin' that Steven…

Verulamium 🖼

[6th Nov 2023 17:18] - Walk in Verulamium Park to walk down a waffle or two.


[6th Nov 2023 16:33] - I once met a sceptic who needed to be convinced about travelling at twice the speed of sound. I took him to Duxford, yet, even standing underneath the tailplane of Concorde failed to persuade him. "I still don't see the point", he said.