If Mr Cadbury's Parrot Exists 🔗

[4th Dec 2025 09:45] - Then, surely, we can lobby for the creation of a fudgerigar?!

Home 📖

[Published: 11th Oct 2025 10:19 | Modified: 25th Nov 2025 10:26] - [Work Post] I'm figuring-out a new point of view for the home page of a website; one that is incredibly dynamic and a web page that'll change according to the inbound hyperlink detected by the HTTP web server. In so doing, I came up with the follo … Read more

This Little Piggy 🖼

[24th Nov 2025 07:29] - Here's how ah name the digits on ma hand, pet:

A) Ma Thumb

B) Ma Pinkie

C) Ma Ring Finger

D) Ma Middle Finger

E) Ma Cauley Caulkin' Finger

Performance Review 📖

[20th Nov 2025 08:38] - - Chief: "Spooner, moving you to Traffic was a fantastic idea; I just don't know why I didn't think of it sooner."

- PC Spooner: "Yes, sir."

- Chief: "Now then, what progress are you making on the divisional initi … Read more

Nickname

[19th Nov 2025 21:55] - - "They used to call me The Hun because, when I used to work on the checkouts in Bejam, you could always find me @ till A."

Men In White Coats 📖

[14th Nov 2025 13:41] - - Me: "You remember me telling you about the nano-spectro-aura analyser I was developing at the Sub@omic laboratory…?"

- He: "Yes, I think so."

- Me: "It's my pioneering laboratory bench test equipment to detec … Read more

Take A Pew 📖

[14th Nov 2025 11:57] - - Me: *selects cubicle* *locks door* *inspects seating* *drops trousers* *sits down*

- [Hatch opens in the wall to the left]

- Priest: "May the Lord be on your heart and your lips that you may make a go … Read more

Play Your Cards Right - India

[4th Nov 2025 20:20] - - Host: "Don't touch Deepak, we'll be right back!"

I'm Not In, Love 📖 🔗

[3rd Nov 2025 09:54] - Which idiot named it Brexit and not Tense EC?

Also, whilst I'm on it, I like to imagine that Eric Stewart's voice mail message goes something like: I'm not in, love. So leave a message…

File note: Since Brexi … Read more

A Quick Recap

[2nd Nov 2025 10:10] - If you ever need to discover the frequency of Blind Date then you really ought to use a Cilla scope.

Show Me Heaven 🔗

[31st Oct 2025 21:36] - This kids just came round and knocked upon our front door, I opened the door and they shouted: "Trickle Treat!" So I invited them inside to watch my Days of Thunder DVD.

Milky Milky 📖

[30th Oct 2025 13:01] - - Serg: "Spooner, the Chief is mortified, shamed and feels so hell-bent on having his revenge that he simply can't be permitted to be in the same room as you, let alone catching sight of you."

- PC Spooner: "Blimey Serg! What have I … Read more

I Buy Any Car Dotcom

[29th Oct 2025 12:48] - I just bought myself an ABBA car. Yes, that's right, an ABBA car.

I got it with Frida livery.

Oxtail English

[29th Oct 2025 09:59] - Which idiot called it AI Image Generation and not Faux Tography?

Meanwhile, At London Luton Airport

[28th Oct 2025 08:13] - - Check-In Crew: "I'm sorry sir, you absolutely cannot bring that crow into the cabin!"

- Me: "I don't see why not, it passes the baggage size test, it's not too heavy and it was sold to me as a carrion."

The Milky Bar Code 🖼

[27th Oct 2025 04:38]

Local Ad

[25th Oct 2025 18:37] - Fish Farmer - looking for help; requires a new inlet sluice gate to be built and installed, would suit someone with experience in carp entry.

Science Fact

[23rd Oct 2025 12:01] - The part of your brain that is concerned with money is called the amygdollar.

Wait For It 📖

[23rd Oct 2025 04:16] - - Chief: "Spooner, please tell me why you are holding this airline employee prisoner, photographing him strapped to a chair and demanding that his next of kin pay a ransom?"

- PC Spooner: "You wanted me to get our review and approval ra … Read more

Plumbing Tip

[18th Oct 2025 12:51] - PTFE tape stands for: Put Tape on Fucking Everything.

Hoo's There?

[10th Oct 2025 17:29] - - Me: *rings doorbell*

- Chinese Guy: *opens front door*

- Me: "Mandarin?"

- Chinese Guy: "No. She left 5 minutes ago to buy groceries. You want to leave a message?"

Luton Typography 📖 🖼

[10th Oct 2025 03:06] - Still keeping a warm place in my heart for the rider of a Just Eat moped, seen ascending Crawley Green Road in Luton, who'd modified the sticker on the rear of the food delivery top box. The bottom arm of the E had been removed so that the Just Eat lo … Read more

Billboard 📖

[9th Oct 2025 16:04] - - Brutus: "You may think it's a stab in the back, but we have to move away from this Imperial System of measurement as we're wasting so much paper these days. I need funding to commission the design of some really effective propaganda to drive … Read more

Get In The Sea 📖

[Published: 5th Sep 2025 11:25 | Modified: 8th Oct 2025 03:07] - Sales people who spam you with email signed-off with the assurance that they'd be happy to jump on a call can fuck right off, along with any kind of person who begins any kind of request with Can I get a… </rant>

[edi … Read more

Read-Through

[8th Oct 2025 02:58] - - James Bond: "My name is Bond, James Bond."
- Director: "That's cool. OK now, Bertie, you've heard the line, now you try!"
- Bertie Pugh: "Okaaaaay - and you're certain this'll work on-screen, yes…?"